jeudi 28 août 2008

Madonna leaves me speechless


When I saw this photo, my gut instinct was to avert my eyes. I looked around to make sure no small children or other impressionable beings were in the room. What's with the five o'clock shadow around the crotch region? You would think that someone with Madonna's unlimited resources and vanity would have found a way to fix that! And is that a microphone stuffed down her panties or is she just glad to see us (looking at her)? [Thanks, Walt, for your input.]
I can't decide if Madonna looks like a scuba diver here or a human frog, but isn't frogman a slang term for scuba diver anyway? What is with the knees-out, bent leg pose? Does she want us to dissect her? In her case, this hardly seems necessary since she has shown us so much of herself over the years. She has shown us that there really is such a thing as a human chameleon. She has tried on and discarded almost every look imaginable. My personal favorite (not!) was her Brunhilda look. Some may think this look went no further than the Gaulthier breast cones she sported for awhile, but I know better. I happened to see her on a weekly program called Sept sur Sept, hosted by Anne Sinclair. For many years, Anne was routinely named as the woman Frenchmen would most like to spend the night with. Some mistakenly believed this had to do with her looks or keen intelligence. Mais non! She had (and probably still has, given the wonders of modern science plus money) a very nice face but a short and squat body, like so many talking heads on television.
I believe people wanted to spend the evening with her to fulfill their fantasy of being on television and being interviewed. What is more flattering than being interviewed, after all? It means you are somebody, and that what you think matters. But I digress. Anne Sinclair usually interviewed politicians, although she sometimes strayed into the realm of pop culture or extreme sport. In fact, she had to end her program (dashing the fantasy fulfillment wish of so many Frenchmen) when she married Dominique Strauss-Kahn, a career politician and Socialist who was named Minister of the Economy (I think) under Jospin. He later had to resign, but that's another story. In light of this possible conflict of interest, Anne had to stop her political show.
But not before interviewing La Madonna. Madonna was in Europe promoting that big book of hers called Sex--or something like that. The one filled with photos of Madonna simulating a taste for sex. Mad Donna arrived for the interview wearing what looked like a dress that Heidi (of Austria) had discarded, with her hair in braided pigtails. She looked utterly ridiculous to me, and that was before I noticed her pure gold front tooth. It has long since disappeared. I guess even she realized how bad that looked, or maybe she just moved on and it no longer fit with her new look.
I seem to recall an earlier incarnation of her true self where she had the chiseled muscle-bound thing going on. But I think her hair was short back then. This current hair-do is just horrible. It looks as if it was designed to showcase the new post-surgical face in all its lack of substance. I wonder if cheek implants move around, like contact lenses. Actually, I'm not sure what she has had done, but it amounts to a great deal of work. And about the gloves: my guess is that she is either channeling Michael Jackson or has wisely decided to hide them until such time as "hand lifts" become readily available as a surgical option. There is nothing worse than an implanted, botoxed, fill-in and lifted face on the same body as an age-appropriate pair of hands. Unless it is a non-rejuvenated vagina.